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28 août no realliit took me officially 3 f**king hours to get home just now
like sky trian broke down
and then the special bus was over loaded so it was so frigging slow
and this latin look woman on my left kept on swearing
and thie chinese guy on my right was reading a bible
and i haven't ate anything
but in the rush for washroom
and my mom refuse to pick me up due to the gas price ( lame i know, but the truth is she doesnt want to come out)
so i got home at 9pm
after 3 hours that my shift was done
so pissed 26 août afraid to dream wow, i guess time flies fast eh? time to go back again
eileen asked me if im excited, i szaid i'd rather not
i sincerely don't think i'm exicted, nervous a bit maybe
i never, after came to canada, had the experince of "pleasant summer"
every summer is piled up with (unifinished) work and goals (pass my N, get my job)
and this year has no particular difference
i still barely talk to my dad
i still drop alot of hair in my house
i still mess up my room
part of me, want to go back
lease for the independant part of me
part of me, don't want to go back
for the lazy part of me
not excited as last year
because i know what is waiting
piled up work, unhealthy life style, and various type of shit needed to be dealt with
worries, especially worries
empty worries
kept my night tight in babelism
when woke up, should be scared up, heart pounding in my hand
why tho? why?
not particular it's me
not particular it's outside
not particular it's unknown
but still....
just wish life is much much simpler 18 août again the tip jar lady was here again this evening
i was on my late shift around 12:30 am-ish
this is officially her third visit to our store
and she was standing beside the till
watching me
and then
stick her hand into the tip jar
and the i looked at her
shouting out loud "NO! PUT IT BACK! PUT IT BACK"
in front of many people
and the survalleince camera
and then she mubled
"I just need some change"
and she put the money back
but, putting ur hand into other people's tip jar is not the solution you know
at least, you could ask me to spare some change
which i do, sometimes, not allways
i give money to the elderly, because i learned for soc that candadian has elder poverty
i do give money to the musician or chalk artist because i appreciate least the effort
i do donate to sick children's fund and cancer research
i do blame both the individual and society
but i just cannot tolerate the young and drunk at broadway station with the sign of
"why lie? we need beer"
you are capable to get a lousy job
you are capable to make a change
you are live in a developed world
there's always relative poverty
we are all just try to live 11 août at that moment, i felt soo sad i literally squashed whole chunck of my song list into my mp3 w/o selection
and i was on the skytrain going back home
the song ironically played chronologically according to the published years
and each song resenbles different metamorphisis
there was the Bye Bye Bye on PE class arobic exercise session
there was the Nelly and Kelly on my way to tutorial center
and there was the 24 by Jem during my provincial
and the Over and Over again on my prom
the Grillz and 1,2 step in Innis
and here i am
with every and each song over and over again
i leave every skytrain station behind
there's broadway
there's 29th
there's metro
....
i had no idea if i was looking outside or inside
but
at that moment, i felt so sad
if you ever been to the edmonds station
there's about 41 seconds of country side experince due to the old and forttogen rail road by the woods beside the station
and i will always look for little kids who go around there and picking blackberries
or wondering if someday they can have a bento or breakfast shop around here
like those stands who sell home-made red bean bun, tealeaf-boiled-egg (i LOVE them) and newspaper
and suprisngly
i did
see a little kid
running into the woods
to the other side
the bringhtly newly furnished luxury apartments behind
i always had strong passion toward preservatives
from pickles to raddish from sweet beet to dry saysage from red ginger to can-fish
but i never liked congee, or porridge
they takes alot my effort to make and do not earn my appreciation
i always liked rice
esp slightly dry ones
for the whole toronto year i literally lived on dry goods, rice and tea (okay beside microwave food, cup noodle and can soup)
and recently i found that one of my nail has white spot
which is weird, consider i do eat better in van than toronto
and within next 20 hours my mom cooked up a humogous dish of liver (Zn contained)
and i was reading "nutritional facts on healthy life" online
and decided that i will (try my best to) ban my common snack from Innis
i used to a drawer down my bed
constatly there will be :
chocolate (powder and candy)
chips (must be more than 1 falvor)
cookies (often tea cookies, depends what's on sale)
pops ( 12 packs)
dif. small stuff from korean town (cup pudding or tapioca or rice cake)
and from time to time me and fen remind each other that we are either out of chocolate or timbits
haha
and then we would go to dominon around 3:30....am
quote from Lee and Gai this would be called "youth and mistakes come together"
but next year i am going to live myself on preserved plums, nuts, ricecrakers and seaweed
it's healthy indeed
i know
and it fits my major
i know also
but
it feels
old....
o wow its late i gtg 2 bed 2 août motherland- crystal kay君が旅立つ日は いつもと同じ 「じゃあね」と手を振った まるで明日もまた この街で会うみたいに 愛を信じるのは 自分にも負けないこと 夢が叶う日まで 笑顔のまま星を見て祈り捧げここにいるから 私は君にとっての空でいたい 哀しみまでも包み込んで いつでも見上げるときはひとりじゃないと 遠くで思えるように 帰る場所であるように 君がいない街で 相変わらずに元気で過ごしてる それが今私に できること そう思うから どんな出来事にも 隠れてる意味があるの 夢が消えかけても 自分らしくいてほしい どんなときもここにいるから 涙失くすほど強くなくてもいい 疲れた心休ませてね 素敵な明日を願い眠りについて 小さな子供のように この広い世界はつながってるよ 白い雲は流れ風になって 君のもとへ 私の声は届きますか? あふれる気持ち言えなかった 私は君にとっての空でいたい 哀しみまでも包み込んで いつでも見上げるときはひとりじゃないと 遠くで思えるように 帰る場所であるように
on that day you left, I just waved good bye as usuaul |
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